Dear Mr. Lover Boy
I know this letter may come as a surprise to you because the last time we talked(which was just a few minutes ago) everything seemed perfect.I do not mean to hurt you or to make you feel bad in anyway.However I need to write this letter to let you know the truth.
You have been so awesome.All the calls,texts,dates, Facebook messages..it’s been like a dream come true for me.You are truly my Prince Charming come to rescue me from this castle of hum drum single loveless misery and I am so glad to have met you.Because you have been so good to me I feel obliged to point out some things to you.
Last night you said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.Hmm!I wonder if you really thought that one through because you might wanna take that back.Don’t worry.I won’t hold it against you if after reading this letter you decide to do just that.I am sure by now your heart is pounding in anticipation of some life changing revelations about me.Let’s get on with it then shall we?..(sigh).
So you think I am pretty and you like my hair.Well,my ‘hair’ is technically not my hair.You see, I have really short hair that refuses to grow.So in order to help my hair along I went to the salon and got hair extensions.Of course it’s mainly because you like long hair that I do it.When I take the extensions out I look very different.Remember that lady we saw on tv the other time?The one you thought was not pretty?Well I kinda look like that without the hair extensions.
Oh but that’s no big deal!I am sure you just thought that.Ok.You have never seen me in the morning before I shower and dress up.You came by the house yesterday morning before work to see me but I refused to see you because I wasn’t dressed.I am so sorry about that but you see my face is not at all the smooth one you see everyday.I have such a severe case of acne I have to wear concealer all the time.The black spots have really drawn a map of the world with my face and I have tried to fix it to no avail.Plus my morning breath is..you know what?Let’s just leave that for later.
I am sure none of the above is a big deal to you.I also wanted to point out that I will not stay this way forever contrary to what you expect.I mean the tight little body with all the curves in the right places?That’s just not gonna last.I know this because I will have kids and there will be some sagging here and there and even if I don’t become fat some things are gonna droop and not be tight anymore.You still with me?Good.Because I need for you to understand that this picture perfect beauty you see on the outside will fade.
But there’s my character and my good habits right?Well technically I am not a good housekeeper and I kinda suck at cooking.All the food you eat when you visit is bought(sorry!I know you dislike outside food!).As for my budgeting and money management skills the least said about them the better.I may look all clean and organized to you but my room is another story.On the average day it looks like a tornado came tearing through there(that tornado being me in search of something..lol).On a good day it’s just a hurricane.Not too bad yeah?And then there’s my cleaning and bathroom etiquette and the snoring and..oh!The list goes on.I hope I already mentioned the fake lashes and brown eyebrow pencil.
I know you might still be in shock but I needed to let you know these things so you can make your decision with all the information you need.I mean I don’t want you telling me I have changed after our wedding now do I?So after this if you are sure you still want me,well then you must be a better man than I am!
Sincerely With Love
(Well actually Afia Real Girl.Sorry you just found out my real name too)